Meanings and Self-Worth
by Cho-No-Iro
Summary: Life is supposed to have a meaning, right? You're meant to live for a reason, but... what if you don't know the reason? Or it's lost and gone? What do you do then...? (based off an old war poem)


_A handsome young airman lay dying,_  
 _And as on the aerodrome he lay,_  
 _To the mechanics who round him came sighing,_  
 _These last dying words he did say:_  
 _'Take the cylinders out of my kidneys,_  
 _The connecting-rod out of my brain,_  
 _Take the cam-shaft out of my backbone,_  
 _And assemble the engine again.'_

 _-Anonymous_

* * *

Some things in life… are confusing. Wait, not just life. Even death is confusing. The idea of life after death is just weird. That there are actually people who die and will 'wake up' in a different body, a different time, a different place, surrounded by new people, unknowing to who you are. Or 'were' as the case could be…

He had willingly joined the army as soon as he could; at 18. He had been an orphan, and he had found it hard to make any friends or connect with anyone due to the war. There wasn't anyone who would miss him.

During World War 2, he had been an American soldier; an Airman, to be exact. He was delivering supplies to a camp that was running out due to the amount of wounded. He had started the plane up, and moved forward, gathering speed; enough to take off, but the second after the left the ground… something went wrong. He didn't know what it was, and he never will know. He was a nameless soldier without connections, why would they keep track of how he died?

He was barely alive when the mechanics deemed it save to approach. As he was dying, he asked them to retrieve the parts of the engine from where they had imbedded in his body: the cylinders in his kidneys, the connecting rods in his head, the cam-shaft in his back and other bits and pieces everywhere.

And to rebuild it.

That was the last he remembered before the black.

He had been reborn as a Japanese boy in the early 2000's. He didn't remember his past life.

His name was Otonashi Yuzuru. He had red hair and brown eyes. His height was average, he had normal friends. He had a little sister called Hatsune. He didn't know where his parents were, but they weren't at home.

Hatsune had cancer. How she was still so happy, he didn't know. Even though the manga he bought her was random, and not always the first in the series, she thanked him with a smile on her face.

She told him she wished she had a donor.

He knew withdrawing from everyone wasn't good for him, but it was how he coped. He worked, played games and bought manga for his sister. He told her he wasn't interested in studying or making games. He wasn't lying.

He wasn't living anymore. He was just going through the motions of everyday life.

For Hatsune's sake.

It was going to be Christmas soon. Hatsune wanted to see the lights. He was going to take her out of the hospital just to see them. Even if he had to sneak her out. Even if he had to carry her on his back the whole time, and hold up the conversation himself, they were going to see the lights together.

Hatsune was his reason to live. He hadn't realised that. Not until it was too late

She was dead.

He had been wandering aimlessly and ended up walking past the hospital while they were congratulating a little girl on being discharged. She thanked them with a smile on her face.

Maybe… he could find something else to live for? To make his life mean something?

In the next few years, he worked hard. He studied, worked at his part-time jobs, went to school. He was going to be a doctor, help people like his sister get better.

But all went wrong.

He was catching the train to his university entrance exams, when the train crashed. When he woke up, everyone was either injured or dead. He used his medical knowledge to treat the other survivors, but when one died, for the nth time he questioned what he was living his life for.

Another youth, Igarashi, helped him ration the remaining food and water, and scout out the tunnel they were in. Both ends were caved in, and he had discovered he was critically injured, and kept it secret. The supplies would only last them three days.

They were trapped in the tunnel for a week.

Dying, and without any hope for survival left, Otonashi took out his life insurance card, and filled out the information needed for consent for voluntary organ transplant if he became brain dead. By doing this it gave him a reason for living.

For Hatsune.

In doing this, he also inspired the other survivors to do the same, and Igarashi thanked him for giving everyone hope.

In seconds he was dead from internal bleeding, and a second later they were saved.

If he was given a wish, any wish… he would wish to see his sister, Igarashi, the other crash survivors, and the people who received his organs… to say thank you. Thank you for giving him a reason for living, for letting him mean something to the world, to impact and help other people.

 _Thank you for being my reason._

* * *

 **Hello! This story was based off of a war poem called 'A Handsome Young Airman Lay Dying'.**

 **The main reason for this story existing is because it was a school assignment (TT^TT), but when my mother pointed out the possible themes of reincarnation and organ donation, my mind went straight to Angel Beats and Otonashi's self-sacrificing nature, and this came into being…**

 **From my perspective, it's really quite sad how during life he cut himself off from everyone, hid how he really felt from Hatsune, and in the end felt that the only good impact that he could leave on the world was by donating his organs; despite the fact that in his last week of life, he made more of an impression on the crash survivors than anyone might ever in the rest of their lives.**

 **Thanks for reading! Please leave a review!**

 **~Cho-no-Iro**


End file.
